I Want To Do That, Too

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How many of us have watched people powerfully engaged in their life’s purpose and said I want to do that, too?  Usually these people are doing very well for themselves and really don’t seem to be working hard at all.  As a matter of fact, you would swear they were playing.  We believe that it’s the work that is motivating these people, it’s not it’s the people that are motivated to do the work, so when we attempt to do what they are doing it doesn’t feel exciting to us. Their work may or may not motivate us, so we can get discouraged, and after a while of trying on everyone else’s shoes we may even start to feel like we are doomed to never experience the bliss of being purposefully engaged in our own lives.

How many of us really know what our bliss is?  Many people will come to life coaches and therapists with the same question. Can you help me figure out my life’s purpose? This question is the reason I became a Transformational Life Coach.  This was the very question that plagued me for over half my life.  

As I got to the point where I felt like I was drowning in my own circumstances, I realized that I had to take my power back.  I had to take responsibility for everything I created and really accept and love my circumstances. This meant loving and accepting even the experiences that I previously perceived as mistakes. Once I reconciled my mind and saw all of my experiences as growth opportunities, I saw that nothing; none of it was a mistake. These experiences brought me to the very point I’m at today and honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Once I accepted my reality, I was then able to start working on restoring my power. As James Allen, wrote in His life changing book, From Poverty to Power, there is absolutely no other way to true power and abiding peace but by self-control, self-government, and self-purification.” Once I embraced this trance of empowerment my life radically changed.

What is the point of pursuing passions if you’re not suited to hold onto to them? Power is what allows us to hold a dream through all of the requirements. It’s not enough to have a passion for something if you don’t have the power to hold onto it.

Ok, I’m now in a state of empowerment, now what? Purpose, what’s my purpose; why am I here?  This question is the gift, not the anxiety riddled, nagging that most believe it is. This is the existential question that we all ask ourselves.  Why am I here; and for what purpose am I to serve? I get excited just thinking about it. I know that in an empowered state the answer to this question changes and evolves as we do. We are human beings doing extraordinary things, happily playing at this game of life.

The passions are all around us, passing  by all the time, in our state of power we can pull one in and see if it suits us; see if we have the desire to hold onto it and formulate it into our reality. Once the passion is qualified then the magic happens; then we start to put our energies into the requirements that must be met to pursue the dream with integrity.  This is power through discipline! We can also decide as we start our pursuit that this really isn’t worth holding onto and we would like to give something else a try.  We then let go of this particular dream, with no judgment, and happily pursue our next passion. This is also Power!

Paradoxically, in life, hitting the bull’s-eye every time is not what makes us powerful; it’s the knowing that we have the power to change our mind any time and pursue the dreams of our hearts’ at any present moment. That’s freedom!


Breaking The Old Habits

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What is a habit? According to Merriam-Webster, a habit is a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiological exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.  Basically it’s an action that has become so automatic that we are barely conscious of it.

Habits serve a great function; we become so used to doing something that it’s done almost on automatic pilot, freeing our minds to focus on the pressing issue of the moment. This habituation allows us to multi task while prioritizing. This is a good thing, right?

But what happens when the habituation is not serving us?  When we come home and the habit is to de-stress by having a drink or two and watching mindless television for an hour or two while things of a more important nature go undone. You see habits serve our needs and our emotions, and when habits become coping methods, they are really difficult to break away from.

When we are present to our lives we can easily determine which habits serve us and which do not. When we are in a state of power, we can actually do something about it.  When we are feeling powerless and vulnerable, we instinctively want to avoid pain and seek pleasure. This is a survival instinct. However, our choices will determine which will alleviate the pain or continue the suffering.

When working with my clients, evaluating habits and patterns and having them take responsibility for their actions changes their state from victimization in the case of disempowering habits, to a state of power through the acceptance of the behavior.  Once the behavior is accepted we can look for the triggers and then re-pattern our responses with more empowering choices.  This is not easy because these patterns and habits are hard wired into our response system; these are unconscious responses to emotional triggers and they’re anchored in there pretty well.

The process is rigorous. The commitment to change must be certain, and the power must be there to hold this new vision of their life. They say that a new behavior becomes a habit or part of our unconscious behavior after 40 days. I believe this gives us enough time to evaluate the results of this discipline and really start to see some results from our hard work.

In a process where we are removing some unwanted behavior or pattern, there must be something of a greater or more beneficial behavior that replaces it. It has been said, that the universe abhors a vacuum, so what we take away must be consciously replaced, and that replaced habit must be in alignment with the goals and disposition of the individual.

It would not serve the individual I’m working with if I replace a disempowering habit with a habit that is too far a stretch for the client to hold and maintain. The client will feel defeated and typically run back to the habit that was just broken away from. How many times do we see this, the person goes to the gym, stays on their diet and looks great, then instead of staying in the empowered state of, I’m so grateful that I embraced a healthier life style, they start to judge everything about themselves creating goals that are so ambitious that even if they were momentarily obtained they could not hold onto this outcome for very long.

Unfortunately, in this state of empowered-disempowerment we start to lose our grasp on our new reality and the Hob-Goblins of our previous thinking start to chip away and erode our foundation within these new, healthy habits.  This is the habit within the habit that needs to be broken.

I know this all seems so daunting.  How does one break out of bad habits and patterns for life?  Well we’re human beings so there are no guarantees, but I will say this, loving yourself presently, accepting oneself unconditionally and remembering that all things worth having require discipline and resolve is a great place to start.